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Dating In The Digital Age

6/7/2016

After getting my son to the ripe old age of 5 I realized, I might just have the time to start dating again.  He is off to kindergarten and I have time to look for my future husband.  The only problem is – where do I start?

When I was younger I used walk down the street and guys would pull over, stop me on the train platform, school, nightclubs.  Anywhere.  Anywhere that single people with no kids would be.  Only problem is, I am never in any of those places anymore.

One of my friends told me about online dating.  I put up a profile and got it cracking.  I went on many dates.  I went from being a noob online dater to having a set of specific rules to weed out the liars and the creeps.

Below is my comprehensive list of rules.

1.  No sunglasses.  Dude is hiding from his wife or he is ugly. Trust me.

2.  No prom or wedding party pics.  There is nothing worse than meeting a guy who is probably 65 and showing his prom pic from way back in the day.

3.  How long have you been single?  2 months (They are not single).

4.  How old are your kids? Less than 2 years (They are not single).

5.  Don’t friend them on FB until you know them really well.  If he is a creep, you just introduced him to your family and friends. (Some people think they can find out more about the guy this way but, if he is a creeper then he will also find out more about you and start creeping your family and friends).

6.  Meet in a neutral spot the first time, If he doesn’t look like his pic get the heck outta there.  Don’t even feel bad.  “ I just can’t “

7.  Some people are chatters, I am not.  If the person hasn’t been qualified after a week or two tops they might just be looking for someone to chat with.  If I wanna chat, I will chat with the people in my alliance or guild.

8.  Dudes who lie about their height and weight are liars, get the heck outta there.

9.  No pics where they cut their ex off or scratched her out.  He is obviously not over her. He could have taken a selfie.

10.  I also like to avoid guys who have lots of pics with different women in bars with alcohol.  I don’t mind having a cocktail or two but if it’s in every pic he is probably a alcoholic womanizer.

11.  No pics of couples.  Unless you are into that.

12.  Beware of the shirt off and crotch pic that barely misses his penis.  You know the one where he is practically taking his pants off, It might look good (and I don’t mind a nice chest shot or a nice body) but this guy needs a sugar mama.  Unless you are into that.

A picture is worth a thousand words.  Pay close attention to those pics.

Which brings me to the song I wrote when I was a noob.  Which rule do you think I broke?

Pass You By by Dazee Dizzle

https://soundcloud.com/user-920815002/pass-you-by

I can’t go and pass you by

You caught my eye

Seem so cool I’ll break my rules

Stop by and say hi

Don’t do this usually

Guys always step to me

But I dig your style

I’ll go the extra mile

Feel kinda awkward

To think of the right words

To let you know I’m checking you out

Gotta shake these nerves

Don’t wanna look absurd

I want to bring to bring our connection about

I can’t go and pass you by

You caught my eye

Seem so cool I’ll break my rules

Stop by and say hi

I like to know his name

I hope he wants the same

I like the way he’s dressed

He’s got me so impressed

What can I really say

“how are you today”

The weather’s not so bad

I’m glad there wont be snow

What is your screen name?

Or your handle

Cuz I like your profile

And I wanna get to know

I can’t go and pass you by

You caught my eye

Seem so cool I’ll break my rules

Stop by and say hi

And I’d like to hear from him  today

I’ll stay signed in

Imagine the things that we might say

When our connection begins

I can’t go and pass you by

You caught my eye

Seem so cool I’ll break my rules

Stop by and say hi

Lets just do video chat

I like to hear all the facts

What makes you so you

What do you like to do?

How did you choose that name

I think its really cool

Do you have a job or are you still  in school

I’ll tell you all my facts what do you do

When you relax and just keyword my name

If you wanna hear my tracks

I can’t go and pass you by

You caught my eye

Seem so cool I’ll break my rules

Stop by and say hi

Joy Clark is a writer, producer, vocalist, and publisher. Lexington, KY

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